As some of you know, I was raised in the Mormon Church. As a child, it seemed fairly normal. In Sunday school we learned about the usual stories from the Old Testament: creation, Adam and Eve, Noah’s ark, Jonah and the whale, Daniel in the Lion’s Den, Ruth and Naomi. The usual stuff children learn in Sunday school.
Somewhere along the age of 10 or 12 it slowly and subtly
began to change, and I was introduced to the ‘doctrine’ of the Mormon Church;
the 13 articles of faith and the Book of Mormon.
And the dawn of confusion began. By the time I was 15 or 16, I had seriously
begun to discount the Doctrine of the Mormon Church. And it seemed that I had a decisive ability
to completely separate my “faith” from the religion of the Mormon Church. And that is exactly what I did. At 16 - I dug in my heels and told my parents
that the Mormon religion did not ring true in my heart, but not to worry
because my faith in God was solid as a rock.
And in fact my faith in a creator, God the higher power, has
been a huge part of my soul and being from the beginning. My faith is unshakable, even in the darkest
moments of my life, and grows stronger with every year that I live.
But religion, that was a different story altogether. When I cut the ties with the Mormon religion,
I began to delve into philosophy and to search for a critical thinking support
system that would allow me to declare my ‘faith’, but not have to adhere to the
rules of any organized religion.
And so I devoured the works of Socrates, Plato, St. Augustine, and Thomas
Aquinas. And then I stumbled upon Soren Kierkegaard(1),
a Danish philosopher and theologian who is considered to be the ‘father’ of
existentialism.
Existentialism is by definition, a philosophical school of
thought that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual
experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, and stresses freedom of choice
and responsibility for the consequences of one’s acts. Wow!
I thought I’d hit on a model of critical thinking I was looking
for. And I read everything Kierkegaard
wrote. And I discovered that his base of
existentialism evolved into what is known as Christian Existentialism. Kierkegaard maintained that the universe
is paradoxical and the greatest paradox is the transcendent union of God and
man in the person of Christ.
That is the ultimate “leap of faith’ because it defies
explanation or logic. Additionally, he
proposes that we all must make independent choices and that we all suffer from
the anguish of indecision until we commit to a particular choice about a way to
live.
And so, I committed to a system of beliefs and faith and
chose a way to live that incorporated these beliefs and faith and also (and
this was vitally important) allowed me to disregard organized religion. And I was really happy with this for many
years.
And then I wasn’t happy.
I began to realize that it did not address enough; that it was lacking
and somewhat self-indulgent and self-centered.
And I began to rethink the need for and the role of organized religion
in society. It is the organized body of
believers that sends missionaries out to the corners of our world. It is the
organized body of believers that support group efforts to feed the hungry,
clothe the naked, and look after the sick, widowed, and orphaned(2). Collectively, an organized body of believers
i.e. organized religion, can do so much more good in the world and can relieve
so much more human suffering by working together and relying on their faith as
the common and unshakeable bond.
So I have come full circle.
I have sought out and committed to an organized religion, one that
parallels my own unshakeable beliefs and faith.
Should you ask me if I find my God in the church on Sunday,
I would have to say yes and no. I find
my God in communion with nature, God’s creation. I have my deepest conversations with God
while I am on the back of my horse riding across the landscape he created. And I find grace and forgiveness through
Christ, who died on the cross for me and for you.
What I find in this church is a deep bond with other people
of similar faith. And I find a path by
which I can give back to my community and humanity in general. And I find love and acceptance. AND YES, I definitely find God in this
church.
(1) Wikipedia cited
(2) PeterChristensenblog.com cited
