“You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times,
‘You shall not murder’; and ‘whoever murders shall be
liable to judgment.’
But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or
sister,
you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother
or sister,
you will be liable to the council; and if you say, ‘You
fool,’
you will be liable to the hell of fire.
So when you are offering your gift at the altar,
if you remember that your brother or sister has something
against you,
leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be
reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.
Come to terms quickly with your accuser
while you are on the way to court with him,
or your accuser may hand you over to the judge,
and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into
prison.
Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have
paid the last penny.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit
adultery.’
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with
lust
has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw
it away;
it is better for you to lose one of your members than for
your whole body to be thrown into hell.
And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and
throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your
whole body to go into hell.
“It was also said,
‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate
of divorce.’
But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except
on the ground of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries
a divorced woman commits adultery.
“Again, you have heard that it was said to those of ancient
times,
‘You shall not swear falsely, but carry out the vows you
have made to the Lord.’
But I say to you, Do not swear at all, either by heaven,
for it is the throne of God,
or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem,
for it is the city of the great King. And do not swear by your head, for you
cannot make one hair white or black.
Let your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No’; anything more than
this comes
from the evil one.
****
It might tell you something that I have avoided preaching
this scripture for the last six years here. Words like burning in hell,
divorce, and adultery are not ones I get excited to attempt to illuminate.
Moreover, this is a scripture, that when taken at face value, can skew our
values, can make us view the world in a harsh judgmental black and white, but I
don’t believe that is actually what Jesus is telling his disciples here. I
believe Jesus’ message is more about treating each other with equality and
openness and honoring God in all that we do. Therefore, lets look at these
sections.
Firstly, “You have heard that it was said to those of
ancient times, ‘You shall not murder’; and ‘whoever murders shall be liable to
judgment.’
But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or
sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister,
you will be liable to the council; and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be
liable to the hell of fire.
One of the things that we as a church have worked on since I
came is, healthy communication. We go over it at each elder retreat, we print
articles about it in the newsletter, and we practice it. What healthy
communication is, is not simple being positive about everything and therefore
avoiding being angry at your brother or sister, instead it is taking that
disappointment and sharing it with them, as the scripture encourages us to do.
And I think Jesus is telling his disciples this because it isn't an easy thing
to do. It is hard thing to do, and something which many of us avoid. It is
easier often to tell a third party, which can be called triangulation, than it
is to tell someone they hurt you or upset you. But the thing is, telling a
third party, or triangulation, actually only raises the anxiety of the
situation. It keeps the emotions high and on alert where actually discussing
that hurt with someone diminishes the anxiety. A rule of thumb is if it a a big
enough deal to tell someone else, it is a big enough deal to tell the person
whom you feel hurt by in the first place. We advise church elders to follow
these steps, firstly, when someone comes to you with a complaint about someone
or something else, even before they get into the weeds of the details,
encourage the person to go directly to the individual or even committee with
which have a grievance. Second, if they are afraid to go alone, state you will
go with them while they share. Thirdly, you will bring their concern with their
name. Finally, if none of these will work remind the person with the grievance,
you will neither bring concerns anonymously, nor accept them. Not accepting
anonymous complaints also goes for phrases like when you hear, always, never,
everyone, no one, some people, they, I heard, or other 2nd person accounts. It
is what the scripture is telling us, “if you are angry with a brother or sister,
you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will
be liable to the council; and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the
hell of fire. No I don’t think in our church we are banishing anyone to eternal
damnation because of unhealthy boundaries and communication, but what I do know,
is that having this kind of hurt with another person can feel like a present
hell. I know it when I loose sleep over something, I have to address it
directly, and this is what the following scripture is saying,
“So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you
remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift
there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister,
and then come and offer your gift.
So for this scripture I will tell you a story, there was
one Saturday I stopped at the church before a funeral to pick up my robe, and on
my desk was what looked a card. It was odd, in that someone had cut out the
church address from the newsletter and taped it to the front of the envelope
and there was no return address or name. I opened it anyway, figuring someone
had tired hands and just didn’t want to write out the whole thing, which I get
because Presbyterian and Washington Street are both long words. And then I saw
scribbled on a piece of paper with someone’s name cut off the top of their
stationary, a sentence admonishment, no name, no explanation, no way to follow
up, but the thing is, when you have been pastor in a church for six years, you
pretty well know people’s handwriting. The message itself didn’t upset me, in
fact, I took it as a compliment, before throwing it away, but what bothered me
was the cheap shot of an anonymous note and lack of openness for me to ask and
understand where they felt I had gone wrong. I went to the funeral flustered,
and discombobulated, and when I lost sleep that night that’s when I knew I had
to address the person. I called them up and asked to meet. Problem was, I knew
I was just angry and that wasn't the mindset I needed to be in as that person’s
pastor, as that person’s brother or sister in Christ. So I left my gift at the
alter like the scripture says, and I prayed, and I think this is why the
scripture encourages us to come to the alter first, because if we lay down our
offerings before God first, we remember that it is God we are also seeking to
be reconciled to. Moreover, when we put the issue in God’s hands rather than
our own, it helps us to be open to where God to change our heart before we attempt
to go change our neighbor (which never really works right - you can’t change
people). Instead of going with anger I was able to go with love, I was able to
share that as a pastor, as a sister in Christ, I hope parishioners can come to
me, and it grieved me that there was such fear or hurt or misunderstanding,
that this person could not. They denied writing a note, and asked what it said,
and I said it didn’t matter because it was anonymous, but that I was glad there
was nothing between us. And so I came back reconciled to my sister or bother.
The problem can be, when you don’t address it things get
bigger. You know there is conflict when people start taking sides, when more
than two people know there is an issue. The scripture says,
Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on
the way to court with him,
or your accuser may hand you over to the judge, and the
judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you
will never get out until you have paid the last penny.
I wonder how many lawsuits could be avoided if people were
able to follow the guidelines for healthy communication, if when they had an
issue they talked about it. Did you know that resentment is the basis and the
greatest predictor of divorce? That when when people are unable to communicate
their hurt, or frustration, that they begin to stuff it down, and it builds to
a point of resentment. Resentment, this underbelly of emotion is what breaks
couples, not the expressing of it. I would rather couples are working through a
mess of issues that they talk about, rather than one or two they don’t because
if you are able to communicate you are able to retain that closeness and
hopefully even if the problem is not fixed there can be understanding.
Which leads us to the next exciting part about adultery,
the scripture says,
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit
adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has
already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you
to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your
members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand
causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose
one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.
There are a couple important things to know about this
passage, firstly, it is written in a time when women have no rights, and so the
passage says, “everyone who looks at a women with lust,” implying that the
looker is most likely a man which in this time period it would be. More recent
statistics show that with women finally gaining more equal rights their
prevailance of adultery is also increased. Moreover, social media like
Facebook, and dating sites, have increased the ease with which people can
engage in adulterous relationships. So what I am not going to say here is lets
take women’s rights away but that this passage applies to us all. That if
Facebook causes you lust after someone, cut it off and if being in a workplace
with someone who is a temptation to your relationship, you may need a new job.
Adultery isn’t only about a physical act, but it also can be emotional, and it
is not just, so and so slept with that person outside their marriage, it is the
first moment the lust happens, it is the moment the longing happens, and what
that should tell us is that then it is the time to turn away from that lust and
longing focus on the relationship we are in. Adultery is not a sin of one
person, it is a symptom of a marriage or relationship that is not working, and
the more the person turns away the less their first relationship is going to
work. I think this is also where we can change the scriptures context into our
own, in the scripture the man has the power over women, and the she, the less
powerful would suffer the most. Likewise, in marriages and relationships, there
is sometimes one with less power than the other. These serves as a reminder
that your duty is not just to the person you are with, but also to those who
have less power than you, and I think this is also a lot of what the next
passage is about.
“It was also said,
‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate
of divorce.’ But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the
ground of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a
divorced woman commits adultery.
Women in Biblical times could not get a divorce, and when a
man divorced them they would become even more marginalized, without property or
rights. Moreover they were deemed damaged goods, as their own chastity was the
often their most valuable assets. For example, think back to Mary and Joseph
and when she gets pregnant, he plans to dismiss her quietly. Sometimes, the man
would simply commit adultery on his own without divorcing his suppose or
marrying the second. This would put both women in very vulnerable
positions. This is why the spouse being issued a certificate of divorce is
important because it would allow both women some official standing. So today, I
also think this is a reminder to care for those in the lesser position. When I
got a divorce, my former husband and I did not have to go to court because we
are able to work out whose was what and how to move forward in a way that felt
even and caring and I think this is the practical part of which this scripture
speaks. I also think that there is part of this scripture which is pointing to
something deeper, when it says that if you remarry you commit adultery. My
former husband and I wrote our own vows and we made promises. Looking back, I
don’t feel like we broke any of the specifics - to care about one another, to
seek the best for one another, to adventure, to love one another, etc. but if I
do get married again, there is a part of me that has shared those promises with
another person. I will always be inexorably tied to that part of my history, to
that experience. While I consider myself single, and that is the box I check, I
also know that I also could check divorced, that every action has a
consequence. Even if we do not judge the action or the consequence, there is
cause and effect, I have been married, and divorced and I will carry that with
me into whatever relationship may come.
Finally the scripture says,
“Again, you have heard that it was said to those of ancient
times,
‘You shall not swear falsely, but carry out the vows you
have made to the Lord.’
But I say to you, Do not swear at all, either by heaven,
for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by
Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King.
And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make one hair
white or black.
Let your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No’; anything more than
this comes from the evil one.
Here the scripture is going back to the point of reminding
us whose we are in these relationships. That our swearing, or acting falsely,
no matter if it is against, brother or sister, or spouse, is a swearing against
God. That the attitude we have with one another mirrors the attitude we have
with God. Jesus is reminding his disciples that while these are practicalities
and guidelines for healthy relationships, they are also what allows us to be
united with God.
And if you look at it, Our worship a structured likewise.
The first thing we do is we come to the altar. We welcome God and with our call
to worship, with our hymn of praise we remember that God is first. Then we have
a call to confession and I want to point out that the call to confession isn't
so much a call to confess our sins so we can be forgiven by God but that we
have already received the grace of being forgiven by God and therefore, out of
thankfulness we confess them. Our prayer of confession is done in unison that
we might remember our relationship with one another, with our brothers and
sisters and under whose authority and guidance are these relationships. This is
part of the point I think of going to church, to be in community with one
another, to work out the messiness of our relationships and to seek to be
reconciled with one another and with God. This call, confession and pardon is
one of the first things we do in worship. And then after hearing the word in
community we take communion together often. Then after we have been reconciled
with our brothers and sisters we come from forward together before God in
communion. We offer our gifts together giving an offering, we share our prayers.
So the good news is, we're already doing all these things here, or at least
were trying and Like Jesus reminds his disciples that's ultimately it's about
being in communion with God and one another. And so together as a people of God
let our yes be yes, our no be no here in this place and with one another. Amen.
